Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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