oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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