yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
