apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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