She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Randomize
