is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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