I could make wine with my vomit
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
