Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
