My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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