Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
