1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Randomize