Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
