Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Rumble strips road head = magical
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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