There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
They have beer where we have blood.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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