Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
