The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
