I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
