i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
bring money and cleavage
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
