How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
