Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
