My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
