i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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