I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
