I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
