And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
