Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
