Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
