"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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