Nicole vs. Life
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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