Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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