I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
