they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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