Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
