you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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