YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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