those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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