Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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