So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
