Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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