She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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