you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
