Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
