I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
