so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize