Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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