I wish my penis had an off switch
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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