I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
