If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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