Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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