I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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