I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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