I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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