i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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