Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
