4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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