Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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