You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
