I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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