I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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