Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
no. you can't hotbox the world.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
