I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
