I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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