Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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