I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
