First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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