Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
