Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize