This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
