So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I wish you could order shots online.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize