I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
