I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
