i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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