No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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