he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
