I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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