Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize